The Truth Behind the Physique: From Eating Disorder, to Overweight, to Healthy!

I take great pride in telling people, “I’ve lost 50 pounds!!”  But what I am not so proud of, and am slower to offer up, is the greater story behind my physique.

As a child, life in my home was not always easy.  My brother and sister each responded in their own way, and I responded by developing a subconscious need for perfection.  By early middle school, I was the youngest individual on the state championship science team and the top competitor on my school’s math team.  By late middle school, I was excelling through advanced math classes - having to travel by car to the high school as the classes I required were not offered at the middle school.  In the 8^th grade, I was captain of the math team, president of the science team, first chair flute, leader/drum major of the band, and successful in a small number of sports.

It was around this time that I also began to develop a new need for perfection and control – that of what I consumed.  It started simple enough, with heading out the door without breakfast.  But it soon progressed to refusal to eat in the school cafeteria during lunch, and then to skipping out on snacks and dinner.  Involved in so many activities and sports, I was gone the majority of the daylight hours, and with my mother working night-shift (and my father not in the home), it was easy to go through a day without anyone noticing.  If on the weekend I ate what I considered “too much”, I would make up for it by cutting back further on what I consumed during the week.

This continued on into high school, and developed into a mixed exercise-obsession and calorie control.  In my sophomore year, however, I began to have significant health consequences.  Of course, neither I nor anyone else recognized them as disordered eating related (I was, after all, eating normal meals on occasion, even overeating to the point of being ill at times), and many doctors visits and medical tests followed with little conclusion as to what could be causing my digestive system problems.

Over the next few years, I went through periods of eating "dysfunctionally", and eating normally, until I decided to get as far away from my hometown as possible at the end of community college.  A new mindset on life, and a fresh start, once at Western Washington University (five hours from my hometown, and with VERY FEW individuals who knew me previously), I could start over.

In starting over, however, I literally did not know how to eat "normal".  A controlled 3 meals a day, of "normal" proportions, was not natural to me!  As such, I began to pack on the weight.  In speaking with countless others who have struggled similarly with eating disorders, I have learned that this is a relatively common phenomenon....that once an individual cycles into regular eating, and normal proportions and food choices are not something that have been practiced before, a reflexive weight gain is seen.  For me....this meant not your typical Freshman Five or Fifteen....but rather 55!!!

I did not realize that I was overweight for quite a while.  Sure, I was not fitting into my previous clothing and I was eating more, but that was expected!  It was not until I returned home from a trip abroad, looked through hundreds of pictures of myself on the trip and refused to show 90% of them to friends because of their "bad angle", that I realized "Oh my goodness gracious!!!  I really am overweight!!"

The picture that spoke louder than any other:  It was time to take my health/weight seriously!

My change in facial structure, alone, amazes me!

Using triathlons as a fun way to lose weight!

From there, I knew it was going to be a battle, but I was determined to be healthy.  Genuinely healthy.  First things first, I took fast food and all-you-can-eat buffets out of my diet completely, started shopping healthier at the grocery store and keeping healthy snacks around me at all times, and became active again.  Always the wannabe comedian, I called my weight loss plan GOYBADS: the Get Off Your Butt And Do Something plan!  Trust me, it wasn't an easy path; I had to work hard!  Then, to keep myself going towards a goal of fitness with a definitive date, I signed up for my first pageant.  BUT, to insure that a "healthy weight" truly meant "healthy" this time, and that I did not go overboard, I found myself a diet and fitness accountability partner.

Before and After

Today, I am at a very healthy and happy weight, and doing well!!  However, it is a sad and unfortunate thing that I report, to this day, I still struggle with some of the long term health consequences of a prior eating disorder; I may be eating "normally" and exercising well, but I am now trapped with long term consequences of my unfortunate, younger decisions.  (I am choosing to not disclose the personal medical details here, but I am certainly willing to discuss such with anyone interested - whether it be a medical colleague looking to provide better care, or an individual looking within or to those around themselves.  Just message/ask me!)

So, why do I write this?  Surely not to out myself!  In fact, making this public for the first time comes with great anxiety.  But rather, I aim to create a better understanding, particularly for my pageant, teaching, coaching, and medical friends.

So, who is at risk, and why?  First, please recognize that an eating disorder can develop in an individual of either gender and at any age, and is equally common among all races.  However, it is most common in females between 14 (soon after the onset of puberty, when body parts naturally expand) and 25.  Additionally, eating disorders can develop for a number of reasons, including: a need for perfection or control over an area of life, pressure to perform in a specific area, a desire to be "model thin", or a misconception of ones own appearance (not seeing in the mirror how others see you, known as "Body Dysmorphic Disorder", which may also contribute to the rebound weight gain one does not recognize, as I noted earlier).

The concept of "Body Dysmorphic Disorder"

One of the most common manifestations of eating disorders today is known as the Female Athlete Triad.  In the Female Athlete Triad, three conditions are commonly seen together in active females, and they are: eating disorder/low energy availability, amenorrhea (irregular or lack of periods), and osteoporosis (an increased risk of fracture, including stress fractures).  This is most common in individual sports that stress leanness and self-control, including long distance running, gymnastics, figure skating, ballet, diving, and swimming.  In the female athlete triad, the body becomes so deprived of energy/nutrients via the decreased consumption and increased use of energy, that the body's systems begin to shut down, including the reproductive system and the process responsible for building bone density.

Eating disorders are INCREDIBLY dangerous!  About 8% die within 10 years of the onset of the disease, and 20% will die prematurely at some point from complications related to the eating disorder (heart failure is frighteningly common)....making eating disorders the MOST LETHAL of any mental/psychiatric disorder!!  While I thought I was handling the stress of my environment "well", in fact, I was causing myself more harm than if I had chosen to do any number of other "unwise" things!  And for those choosing life with an eating disorder in order to become more attractive, stats like these CERTAINLY do not make an individual more attractive to any future mate!

Please educate yourself.  Look within, and keep a loving eye out for those around you.  Consuming less than 800 calories a day is NEVER okay!!  Even on the strictest diet!  (The nationally recommended lowest is 1200 calories per day.)  Just because your stomach no longer tells you that it is hungry, does not mean that your body isn't starving!

Trust me, I get it.  As a "pageant girl" and occasional model, with a high stress lifestyle, I know the pressures....very well.  But there are healthier ways to gain control, to get the appearance you want, or to perform at the highest standard.

If you have an eating disorder, please consider speaking with someone on the outside of the situation, whom you trust.  It is important to get help, and there are places to receive that help.  If you feel comfortable, please feel free to message or speak with me - I would be happy to listen, and to help you on the first step to a healthier way.  If you suspect someone you love has an eating disorder, please recognize that blatant accusations will result 95% of the time in denial and increased distance.  There are other ways to express your concern and get your friend/colleague/student/athlete help.

As I discover what a healthy me looks like (and experience some mild weight fluctuation as I figure that out), one thing I have found incredibly comforting is knowing that I am enough, just the way I am; right here, right now.  This has taken me some time to understand (and I'm still working on it!), but the more I come to terms with the fact that I am enough just as I am, the more at peace I find myself.  I don't need to lose weight, I don't need to gain weight; God simply asks that I take care of the body He has given me, to the best of my ability.  And similarly, I do not need straight A's, earned titles, or other accomplishments....all God asks is that I live each day according to His love for me and those He places in my life.  If I can learn to live for that love...I truly am Perfect just the way He has made me, the rest of the "imperfections" and all!!  AND SO ARE YOU!

You truly are PERFECT, JUST THE WAY GOD MADE YOU!!!!

Psalm 139:14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 

 

Matthew 6:25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?" 

 

Song of Solomon 4:7 You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. 

  

 

 

                     With Much Love,
                               Analiesse 

                                    

A Reflection on Haiti: 3 Years Post-Earthquake

For much of the world January 12th, 2010 was a mostly ordinary day; for others, those who lived in Haiti, had loved ones in Haiti, or had invested their hearts in Haiti, the afternoon of January 12th, 2010 is an afternoon we will never forget where we were.  It’s Haiti’s own 9/11 in ways.  But where 9/11 killed 3,000 people….the earthquake in Haiti killed 300,000!!!!

Serving on a medical team in Port au Prince December 2009

On the afternoon of January 12th, 2010 I was at my biology lab; the first day of class in a new quarter and I was already talking my classmates’ ears off about this amazing country I had just returned from: Ayiti (aka Haiti).  I spoke of the beauty of the country, the incredible individuals I had met, my confusion surrounding the face of poverty, the pain of the people, and my excitement and hope to return.  When I stepped out of lab and turned my cell phone on, I had a dozen missed calls and text messages of concerned friends and family.  Friends wanted to know if I had returned yet or was still there, my sister wanted to know if I had seen the news, and my boyfriend wanted to know exactly what neighborhoods of Port au Prince I had been in and where my colleagues were located.

For the first several hours the severity of the earthquake was not known; there was no communication or pictures from the country.  But the situation quickly went from an “oh my goodness, I was just there!” to a “Oh dear Jesus….please, please, PLEASE NOOO!” as more information came forward.  My sister’s calls went from “have you seen the news?!” to “oh Heavens, are you okay?!”  And in truth, no, I wasn’t okay.  I couldn’t watch the news, and I stopped answering my cell phone as I turned inward. And when I learned that the guest house I had stayed in had fallen....I felt the world as I had once known it fall as well.  And to this day, I live, breathe and dream Haiti.

The rubble in the foreground is a part of the guesthouse I stayed at in the weeks prior to the earthquake.  6 lives were lost here.

Prior to that trip to Haiti, I had never in my life traveled to a third world country…and of any country, city and time I could have traveled, I traveled to Port au Prince, Haiti only weeks before the century’s largest natural disaster.  In my view: this was nothing short of the Lord laying this incredible nation  and its people at my heart's doorstep.  He has given me a story for Him and a passion bigger than life itself.  While I would give anything in the world for the earthquake to have not torn apart such a beautiful country the way it did, I thank the Lord for the role he has allowed it to play in my life.
 

The presidential palace, before and after. Both images I took with my own camera. The above was taken during my first trip (Christmas time, December 2009).  The picture below was taken during my second trip (in the weeks after the earthquake).

So much of my view of the world has changed since that terrible day.  A few things that I have learned:

1)      Hope, determination and faith are stronger than any cement, brick or metal.  How grieving widows, hungry children, and hurting wounded continue to praise the Lord, speaks louder in itself than anything more I could say. 

2)      The rebuilding of physical buildings is not equivalent to the rebuilding of lives.  When I tell people that I am (once again) traveling to Haiti, I am often asked “how are things going down there; are things being cleared or rebuilt?”  While I can say yes, there are significantly fewer piles of rubble, I do not think this means that life is truly better for the people of Haiti.  It’s nice, sure, and it makes us feel good about the work being done.  But from what I can see, the pain and hurt, and spiritual brokenness is even greater than before.  We need to continue to work in the lives of those in Haiti with mindfulness of TRUE needs.  While clearing the streets of rubble is nice, and while the giving of handouts bring smiles, these are not necessarily the answer to alleviating true pain.

3)      Sometimes it is with the crumbling of buildings (literally and figuratively) that the Lord's faithfulness shines brightest.  Prior to the earthquake there was a beautiful pink cathedral in downtown Port au Prince, and on the side of the building was a moderately sized crucifix.  The crucifix was there, and pretty, but certainly not the focus of the scene.  The earthquake completely and totally devastated the cathedral so that the only thing that remains standing, untouched, is that statue of Christ on the cross.  For many in Haiti, this is representative of their faith as well.  The Lord was there in their lives, but not THERE.  The earthquake forced the people of Haiti to stop, and if they were lucky enough to survive, to re-evaluate the role the Lord played in their lives.  But we never know when an "earthquake" (or car accident or heart attack) will hit our lives, and whether we will survive.  I challenge you to not wait until it's too late, and allow the crucifix to take its rightful place at the center of your life.  Today, this is an important reminder for myself, as well.

Most of the world did not even realize today was the 3rd anniversary of the devastating earthquake; for some of us though, for those of us who call Haiti home of our lives or of our heart, today stands very heavy.  My skin may be white, but my heart is largely Haitian, and today I mourn, and celebrate life, with the people of Haiti.  Sonje Ayiti… toujou ak pou tout tan;  Remember Haiti....always and forever.

 


To those I have served alongside in Haiti or for Haiti- thank you for allowing our common love for the Haitian people to flourish.  I have been blessed by the meeting of so many incredible, selfless people, it's crazy...and you inspire me like you wouldn't believe.  It's amazing how many of us have gone on to create something larger than ourselves.  You have taught me that you are never too young, too weak, too poor, or too broken to make a worldly difference! May God have all the glory!

To my brothers and sisters in Haiti- let us remember the lives of those we lost. But let us also celebrate the lives the Lord has given us to live. Today, dance in the streets! Feel both the rain and the sun on your face! Reach your hands to the heavens and dance and sing as loud as you can so that all the world can hear! The Lord selected YOU for life and has given YOU a story to tell the world. LIVE IT! Alleluia!! Mèsi Jezi pou lavi sa a ki ou ban m '!

 

Miss Washington Sendoff: Miss America Here She Comes!

In early December, roughly 150 individuals gathered in a beautiful conference center in Renton to support one individual: our beautiful Miss Washington 2012, Mandy Schendel!  This morning, Mandy boarded the plane for Las Vegas, and over the next two weeks will represent Washington State as she competes for the title of Miss America 2013!!

Mandy (in the middle) at the airport earlier this morning, with former Miss Washingtons Devanni and Brittney.

Modeling my formal gown of choice!

The Sendoff Party started with six ladies from the Miss Washington Class of 2012 selling raffle tickets for various Christmas items, and a beautiful and delicious lunch/appetizer buffet.   After plates were cleared, the program launched into a fun fashion show featuring various pieces of Mandy’s Miss America competition wardrobe, and was interspersed (so she could change quickly backstage!) with each of the present ladies of the Miss Washington Class of 2012 featuring her favorite outfit from her year of service.  Updates were also read, describing to the audience what each member of the Miss Washington Class of 2012 is up to today.  Toward the end of the program, Mandy blessed us all with the singing of her Miss America talent piece.  And After Mandy gave a short speech expressing her gratitude to everyone who has supported her journey, the Miss Washington Class of 2012 (including yours truly!) came out with a surprise performance of a fun and witty rap, written by the talented Miss Whatcom County 2012 Kimball Gainor!

Rapping for Mandy (seated on the Left)!

After rapping, in order: Tera Sabo (Miss Auburn), Jordyn Hall (Miss Lewis County), me (Miss Moses Lake), Kenzi Novell (Miss Spokane), and Kimball Gainor (Miss Whatcom County).

               Backstage Shots:  Kimball, Tera, Jordyn, and Kenzi's outfits of choice for the fashion show!

Because Mandy’s wardrobe (and talent selection) is top secret until it is revealed at the time of her wearing it (and performing) on the Miss America stage, you will not find any pictures here or elsewhere online of her modeling.   However, the amazing Keith Krueger was there photographing, and his photographs will be released after Miss America.  Additionally, the above pictures of the Miss Washington sendoff party (except the backstage shots, which I took myself) were borrowed from Bellevue Embroidery's Facebook page.  To see more pictures of the party sooner than later, you can "like" Bellevue Embroidery and look through the pictures yourself! And while I can’t give specifics away of her wardrobe, I can express that I was blown away by how incredible Mandy looked throughout the night.  We should all be proud to have such a beautiful and well-spoken representative for our state!

Be sure to stay tuned in online (the Miss America Organization is posting all kinds of things to keep us updated) throughout the Miss America competition!  Preliminary competition is next week, and the final night of competition, broadcast widely across America (it will surely be on your TV!) and concluding with the naming of Miss America 2013, is Saturday, January 12^th!

In the meantime, if you wish to support Mandy, you can vote for her to receive the People’s Choice Award, which gives its winner automatic placement in the Top 15 on the final night of competition.  (You can also view a short video of her introducing herself and the State of Washington here…a good way to get familiar with your Miss Washington in just a couple short minutes!)  http://www.missamerica.org/videocontest/contestants/washington.aspx

GOOD LUCK MANDY!!!!!  No matter the outcome, there is no doubt you will have done us proud at the end of this whirlwind journey!

Mandy and I, crowned side-by-side, at Miss Moses Lake 2012.

A Year in Review...and a New Year Welcomed!!

2012 was an INCREDIBLE year for me in many ways!  From serving as Miss Moses Lake and competing for Miss Washington, to being named a Finalist for the world’s most prestigious academic award (the Rhodes); from traveling to Haiti and contracting a life-threatening case of Cholera, to speaking to thousands of people from Washington State to Washington D.C.

Through the excitement, in many ways, I have become a better person.  Entering 2013, I am in better physical shape, I am a better musician (both on piano and vocally), I have gained a better handle on my academic anxiety, my personal presentation and communication skills are miles beyond where they have been previously, and in many ways, I have even given more of myself to the world than ever before.

While, on one hand, I can look back and claim this year a success.  On the other hand, I stop and realize that all of the improvement I focused on, was directed inward.  But what is that to say about the love I am directing outward?  Even in serving the world, if not done in love, it means nothing!  Am I so focused on bettering myself, that I forget the emotions of those I am interacting with, and my directed love towards them?

Soooo….my 2013 resolution is stop focusing 100% on self-improvement, and start focusing on improving the way I make others feel!

This next year holds the end to my last year ever in a classroom, my board exams, the passing on of my Miss Moses Lake crown, more work in Haiti....and of course....the focus on making others feel valued, loved, and more like the precious treasure each and every person is.  2013, I AM SO READY FOR YOU!!!

1 Corinthians 13:2-3 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but don’t have love, I am nothing.  If I dole out all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body to be burned, but don’t have love, it profits me nothing.